Considering Quitting Articling

[Tictactoe]

Hello all. I have been articling for about 3 months with a great litigation firm with great people in a practice area I have a lot of interest in and to put it bluntly, I am miserable. I understand the articling experience is a gruelling one and was fully prepared to accept that going into it, but there have been hurdles I did not see coming and see no way to overcome. 

Without getting too into it, I have a lifelong condition that impacts my ability to process information and makes me easily cognitively fatigued by certain activities, such as long conversations and complex tasks. I’ve long since learned to cope with that to the point that I was able to do at least average in law school and secure an articling position. 

Now that I’ve started working however, my limitations have become more apparent. My limits and thresholds have never been so challenged before and again, that wasn’t unexpected. It’s on me for being arrogant, ignorant or dishonest with myself and my abilities coming into this work. I thought that over time my tolerances would increase and I’d be able to cope, but 3 months in that has not been the case. It’s resulted in me being able to do nothing but work, aggravates my health issues and made me experience the first panic attack of my life. And now I’m at an impasse. 

My principal is aware of my condition and it’s limitations, and they have been understanding and accommodating. But even with those accommodations I am completely burnt out. A relatively simple 1 hour meeting leaves me completely drained and unable to focus for the rest of the day, and I have been unable to observe and learn from things like examinations for discovery or mediations - even with breaks, once the “brain drain” sets in, it’s stuck with me for the rest of the day. It leaves me asking myself constantly “who would hire a lawyer to represent them when they can’t even handle 1 hour in a face to face conversation, let alone a whole day in court”. All the strategies I’ve tried over the last 3 months to ameliorate this have failed utterly. Changing my sleep schedule, my diet, exercising more, exercising less, compartmentalizing my tasks, assistive devices, etc. And as my time here goes on, I receive more complex tasks and responsibilities and I am filled with complete and utter dread.

So, I am thinking of quitting - I don’t want to waste any(more) of my principal’s time or money, they’re fantastic and while I’m certain they don’t actually regret hiring me, I can’t help but feel that at times. I have thought about having an open and honest conversation with them about it, but I worry that will force the issue and I will have to decide then and there what I’m going to do.

I guess what I’m hoping to achieve by posting here is getting some sobering (and blunt) thoughts. People leave the profession all the time for a myriad of reasons, but at what point do I say “this is as far as I go”? Obviously, pressing on despite the limitations, misery and exhaustion would be the best course of action, professionally and economically speaking. Even if after pushing forward if I didn’t want to stay in law, having been licensed and finishing would look a lot better and open many doors in terms of employment. However, that is easier said than done, and I often feel like I’m coming apart at the seams. I’m worried that I’ll be worse off if I try to keep going than I would be cutting my losses while I’m still in line of credit repayment grace period. 

If anyone has experience with this, I would really love to hear from you. 

[Hegdis]

This is a tough call.

Nothing is more important than your mental health. if you're coming apart at the seams something has to give. I am glad you're aware of that.

Have you talked to your principle and your law society about part time articles? Some lawyers never practice full time. I knew a lawyer who only did research on large cases - he would get hired by a criminal defence lawyer or team to draft a memo on an issue of law, and as long as he got it done by the deadline no one cared when or how he worked on it. He carved out a little niche for himself. It was understood he would never appear in court and he needed time to complete his research.

I don't know if that would work for you but I would encourage you to think outside the box. It's great that your employer is aware and supportive.

[Tictactoe]

16 minutes ago, Hegdis said:

This is a tough call.

Nothing is more important than your mental health. if you're coming apart at the seams something has to give. I am glad you're aware of that.

Have you talked to your principle and your law society about part time articles? Some lawyers never practice full time. I knew a lawyer who only did research on large cases - he would get hired by a criminal defence lawyer or team to draft a memo on an issue of law, and as long as he got it done by the deadline no one cared when or how he worked on it. He carved out a little niche for himself. It was understood he would never appear in court and he needed time to complete his research.

I don't know if that would work for you but I would encourage you to think outside the box. It's great that your employer is aware and supportive.

Research is one of the few tasks I really enjoy and love doing. Carving out a niche like that would be ideal, though that would take some divine intervention with the way things are going. 

Unfortunately a big part of my employment was an understanding that there’s only room for me because someone else was going on leave. I feel it may be too onerous to shift to a part time basis with them, but I will do more research into it. A big problem with that though is the financial component - my salary as a full time student is barely enough as it is to pay for the necessaries of life, so shifting to part time may strain my finances too far. Id have to sit down and budget to see what that would look like.

I really appreciate your thoughts, thank you for sharing. 

[Ramesses]

I don't have any advice, sorry! But I want to wish you all the best and I hope your ability to cope/condition gets better soon! Take care!

[Phaedrus]

You absolutely need to look out for yourself and your well being. 

Not that I'm asking, but that you managed to graduate from law school with average grades suggests to me that you have a greater capacity to work intensively than you indicate in your post. I would hesitate before dog-piling self-deprecation if I were you - exhaustion, impostor syndrome and "wanting to quit" are relatively common during articles (and especially so if one experienced burn out toward the end of law school). 

If you are in a province that uses CPELD's bar admission program and you're facing intense work demands that are preventing you from managing both, one option is to discuss this with your principal. Due to the intense time commitments of the program, most law societies that use the program require firms/principals to consider it when assigning tasks. As Hedgis said, another option is inquiring about switching to part-time articles. I don't know anything about your firm, but some have rotations or secondments to different, potentially less stressful practice areas (e.g., policy, solicitor-type work). Another topic for consideration is whether your bar admission requirements are 8 months (COVID-related) or 12. I've known clerks who opted to end their articling after the minimum 8 months (though this may not result in a great reference from the employer). 

Financially, there may be options to delay repayment or to request reduction in monthly payments during articling. PSLOC's may be extended from the usual 10 year repayment plan to 15 years, and government loans may be reduced or paused, depending on income and other debt obligations you have. 

I won't get into alternative career paths at the moment, to avoid a line of panicked thinking that can spiral with intense mental health, employment, financial, and bar admissions thoughts. Suffice to say there are options, including a shift to research-focused roles, employment with law-adjacent employers, a shift to interesting solicitor-type work, etc. 

More generally, take some time to collect your thoughts and prepare a checklist of your to-do's, inquiries, and follow-ups. Reduce the compounding stress of uncertainty by focusing on a clear, tangible path forward. Try your best to ensure you're eating, sleeping, and getting a little exercise in (even an evening walk). It sounds like you're doing some of this already, but it's important not to fall into the trap of trying to fix everything all at once (e.g., "I need to get X done at work, Y done for articling, be getting Z amount of exercise...). Speaking from personal experience, it's easy to overwhelm yourself by trying to address every perceived problem/cause at once (it's creating new stress, to address existing stress, which can exasperate the burn-out). 

Edited August 4, 2021 by Phaedrus

[Tictactoe]

3 minutes ago, Phaedrus said:

You absolutely need to look out for yourself and your well being. 

Not that I'm asking, but that you managed to graduate from law school with average grades suggests to me that you have a greater capacity to work intensively than you indicate in your post. I would hesitate before dog-piling self-deprecation if I were you - exhaustion, impostor syndrome and "wanting to quit" are relatively common during articles (and especially so if one experienced burn out toward the end of law school). 
If you are in a province that uses CPELD's bar admission program and you're facing intense work demands that are preventing you from managing both, one option is to discuss this with your principal. Due to the intense time commitments of the program, most law societies that use the program require firms/principals to consider it when assigning tasks. As Hedgis said, another option is inquiring about switching to part-time articles. I don't know anything about your firm, but some have rotations or secondments to different, potentially less stressful practice areas (e.g., policy, solicitor-type work). Another topic for consideration is whether your bar admission requirements are 8 months (COVID-related) or 12. I've known clerks who opted to end their articling after the minimum 8 months, though this may not result in a great reference from the employer). 

Financially, there may be options to delay repayment or to request reduction in monthly payments during articling. PSLOC's may be extended from the usual 10 year repayment plan to 15 years, and government loans may be reduced or paused, depending on income and other debt obligations you have. 

I won't get into alternative career paths at the moment, to avoid a line of panicked thinking that can spiral with intense mental health, employment, financial, and bar admissions thoughts. Suffice to say there are options, including a shift to research-focused roles, employment with law-adjacent employers, a shift to interesting solicitor-type work, etc. 

More generally, take some time to collect your thoughts and prepare a checklist of your to-do's, inquiries, and follow-ups. Reduce the compounding stress of uncertainty by focusing on a clear, tangible path forward. Try your best to ensure you're eating, sleeping, and getting a little exercise in (even an evening walk). It sounds like you're doing some of this already, but it's important not to fall into the trap of trying to fix everything all at one (e.g., "I need to get X done at work, Y done for articling, be getting Z amount of exercise...). Speaking from personal experience, it's easy to overwhelm yourself by trying to address every perceived problem/cause at once (it's creating new stress, to address existing stress, which can exasperate the burn-out). 

 

This is a nice sobering list of practical options. I appreciate you taking the time to list this out. 

I feel like I should elaborate on why I have been struggling so much. It is hard to say for certain which is the larger contributor, but I feel that but for my information processing issue, I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed and hopeless. After a short meeting with clients where my only task was to take notes I feel as if my brain has slipped down my spine, leaving my skull empty and my limbs heavy and sluggish.

So perhaps working in a more solicitor oriented role would be more appropriate - doing so would require leaving this position unfortunately, so I’m uncertain of the path I’d have to take to get there. 

[123]

1 hour ago, Tictactoe said:

My limits and thresholds have never been so challenged before and again, that wasn’t unexpected. It’s on me for being arrogant, ignorant or dishonest with myself and my abilities coming into this work. I thought that over time my tolerances would increase and I’d be able to cope, but 3 months in that has not been the case. It’s resulted in me being able to do nothing but work, aggravates my health issues and made me experience the first panic attack of my life. And now I’m at an impasse. 

My principal is aware of my condition and it’s limitations, and they have been understanding and accommodating. But even with those accommodations I am completely burnt out. A relatively simple 1 hour meeting leaves me completely drained and unable to focus for the rest of the day, and I have been unable to observe and learn from things like examinations for discovery or mediations - even with breaks, once the “brain drain” sets in, it’s stuck with me for the rest of the day. It leaves me asking myself constantly “who would hire a lawyer to represent them when they can’t even handle 1 hour in a face to face conversation, let alone a whole day in court”. All the strategies I’ve tried over the last 3 months to ameliorate this have failed utterly. Changing my sleep schedule, my diet, exercising more, exercising less, compartmentalizing my tasks, assistive devices, etc. And as my time here goes on, I receive more complex tasks and responsibilities and I am filled with complete and utter dread.

I don't think you were arrogant, ignorant, or dishonest. You couldn't really know how legal work would affect you until you tried it. Maybe it's not working out, because sometimes things don't work out. But that doesn't mean you're to blame. Also, you're looking at this in a responsible way. You're considering the interests of your employer and any future clients in your decision, as well as your own interests. That's good, and regardless of what you choose to do, be kind to yourself.

I'll put the obvious disclaimer that I don't know much about your condition. So maybe your situation doesn't compare to my experiences, because of your condition. Certainly, based upon your post, the impact of working on novel and complex tasks does seem more severe than normal. That said, it's also possible that your assessment of your current abilities is not indicative of your future capacity for work.  Three months is not a particularly long time to adjust to articling and legal work. At my three month mark, I'm pretty sure that most tasks were overwhelming. Everything was new.  Everything required a lot of care and attention. And while there is a lifelong learning aspect to practicing law, the day-to-day does get easier with experience and repetition. I'm only at the two year mark, but the basics are much easier to handle now. Most meetings involve a lot of the same questions. A lot cases turn on similar principles and arguments. There is a routine. And I think that routine would alleviate some of the cognitive burden. 

I won't pretend to have actual suggestions for what you should do. And again, there are limits to comparing my experiences with yours. But, I wanted to flag that you might be putting too much weight on your present state-of-mind and limited experiences so far. Your self-assessment is based upon one of the more intellectually challenging periods of your career. If you choose to proceed, I would be surprised if your relationship with the work remained the same as it is now, even with a health or cognitive condition. That change may still not be enough to make this a viable career path. Or you might decide it's not worthwhile pushing forward to that point. But I suspect that with experience, moving to a different job, etc, things would eventually look different than they do now. 

Edited August 4, 2021 by realpseudonym

[Tictactoe]

19 minutes ago, realpseudonym said:

I don't think you were arrogant, ignorant, or dishonest. You couldn't really know how legal work would affect you until you tried it. Maybe it's not working out, because sometimes things don't work out. But that doesn't mean you're to blame. Also, you're looking at this in a responsible way. You're considering the interests of your employer and any future clients in your decision, as well as your own interests. That's good, and regardless of what you choose to do, be kind to yourself.

I'll put the obvious disclaimer that I don't know much about your condition. So maybe your situation doesn't compare to my experiences, because of your condition. Certainly, based upon your post, the impact of working on novel and complex tasks does seem more severe than normal. That said, it's also possible that your assessment of your current abilities is not indicative of your future capacity for work.  Three months is not a particularly long time to adjust to articling and legal work. At my three month mark, I'm pretty sure that most tasks were overwhelming. Everything was new.  Everything required a lot of care and attention. And while there is a lifelong learning aspect to practicing law, the day-to-day does get easier with experience and repetition. I'm only at the two year mark, but the basics are much easier to handle now. Most meetings involve a lot of the same questions. A lot cases turn on similar principles and arguments. There is a routine. And I think that routine would alleviate some of the cognitive burden. 

I won't pretend to have actual suggestions for what you should do. And again, there are limits to comparing my experiences with yours. But, I wanted to flag that you might be putting too much weight on your present state-of-mind and limited experiences so far. Your self-assessment is based upon one of the more intellectually challenging periods of your career. If you choose to proceed, I would be surprised if your relationship with the work remained the same as it is now, even with some sort of learning disorder or cognitive condition. That change may still not be enough to make this a viable career path. Or you might decide it's not worthwhile pushing forward to that point. But I suspect that with experience, moving to a different job, etc, things would eventually look different than they do now. 

You make a really good point. I’m trying to keep my mind out of focusing on “just right now this second”, and it really is an “only way out is through” situation. I will have to reread these posts once I’ve calmed down and begin going through an assessment of options like the others have suggested. I guess I’m really worried that I can’t stay sharp from a strategy perspective, to know which questions to ask when to get at certain information. I recognize that over time I can learn what those are, and hell maybe even develop a checklist or script. But I’m uncertain of how much that would help. Just listening to a long conversation, and transferring that information to paper or typing to a document is so mentally demanding and draining. Maybe familiarity and knowing what’s coming will alleviate that. I worry that it’ll still be present, no matter what, and while maybe my tolerance for meetings will go up, I’ll never be able to conduct my own mediation or Pretrial or examination for discovery without becoming a dullard less than an hour into it

[abogada]

I can't tell you whether or not you should finish your articles, because only you know the details of your condition and what your limits are. As others have said, your health will always come first. My one piece of advice is before you make any decision, talk to your principal about your options, and perhaps look into the Law Society accommodations available to you. Maybe your firm can give you tasks that are more tailored to your strengths, or explore alternative working arrangements.

 

2 hours ago, Tictactoe said:

Even if after pushing forward if I didn’t want to stay in law, having been licensed and finishing would look a lot better and open many doors in terms of employment. However, that is easier said than done, and I often feel like I’m coming apart at the seams. I’m worried that I’ll be worse off if I try to keep going than I would be cutting my losses while I’m still in line of credit repayment grace period.

If you do decide to not proceed with the remainder of your articles, based on what you have explained, I think you might enjoy government policy work. I know several classmates from law school who work as policy or legislation analysts for the government- some of them articled, and some of them didn't. Having a law degree would be an asset even if you didn't article and you could likely start off in a more senior position. These type of jobs usually involve doing research and writing, developing policy options, working on government programs, developing legislation and Cabinet submissions. Depending on the job, you may or may not have many meetings. This is just one option- having a law degree is an asset and there are many paths to having a successful career. 

[Thrive92]

2 hours ago, Tictactoe said:

Without getting too into it, I have a lifelong condition that impacts my ability to process information and makes me easily cognitively fatigued by certain activities, such as long conversations and complex tasks. I’ve long since learned to cope with that to the point that I was able to do at least average in law school and secure an articling position. 

Although this may not apply to you, if your lifelong condition is psychological in nature, I recommend you see a registered psychologist (or even a counselor if you are strapped for money). There are coping mechanisms or treatment methods that you can learn with a psychologist that may not solve the problem entirely, but will definitely mitigate the symptoms. Many psychologists now conduct their sessions online due to the pandemic, and so you can set up sessions with flexible schedules.

If your condition is not psychological, feel free to disregard this.

[Tictactoe]

32 minutes ago, Thrive92 said:

Although this may not apply to you, if your lifelong condition is psychological in nature, I recommend you see a registered psychologist (or even a counselor if you are strapped for money). There are coping mechanisms or treatment methods that you can learn with a psychologist that may not solve the problem entirely, but will definitely mitigate the symptoms. Many psychologists now conduct their sessions online due to the pandemic, and so you can set up sessions with flexible schedules.

If your condition is not psychological, feel free to disregard this.

Sadly it is neurological/developmental in nature, but it is still a good resource nevertheless

[Homosapiens]

Just want to add that a law degree can land you to many different roles and positions other than litigation lawyer. As others have already mentioned, maybe you will feel more comfortable in a solicitor position or research position. If you are really into litigation, there are a lot of lawyers that provide litigation support to other lawyers by assisting them to prepare pleadings, motion materials and facta.

I also know a number people that utilized their law degrees in non-lawyer positions such as government policy positions, in-house consultant positions, etc. There are really a lot of opportunities out there with a law degree.

 

[Tictactoe]

To provide an update, today I spoke with my principle frankly (or at least, as frank as I could be at the time) about my concerns. Today was several hours of meetings and court observation, so by the time I got to talk to them, I was completely dulled. One of those meetings today was regarding my assuming more duties in addition to my own, which prompted me to initiate this conversation a lot earlier than I intended. 

I explained that I was concerned I would not be able to live up to my professional responsibility because I’m unable to meet the physical/cognitive demand of the job. Meetings and phone calls and observing were so draining it took everything I had just to cart myself home and lay down, and that it’d take the entirety of the weekend to feel any semblance of normal again. I explained as best I could that while the work is overwhelming, that is the nature of the work and it is this condition that I feel is really making everything else a problem. I told them that my daily planning involved determining when in the day was least damaging for me to be incapable of critical thought. I told them I’ve been trying out strategies and routines of my own, and that even today I tried an energy conservation technique someone on here was kind enough to send me. 

They were more than supportive and understanding. I’m not sure what the outcome of the conversation was, exactly. A part of my problem is memory, and while normally I have strategies to circumvent that (endless note taking), I could only focus on the conversation or taking notes, not both. They told me to advise them of any options going forward and that I should wait until I’m halfway through before deciding anything. I did not expressly say I was considering quitting but I don’t think it was too difficult to infer from the tone of the conversation. 

Sticking it out as long as I can is the practical option and best option. But recognizing that and being able to act on it are very different things. This weekend, I am going to do a very honest self-assessment with myself, and have conversation with a trusted (outside) associate. I know myself well enough to know I do have a breaking point, and what the warning signs are of that approaching. I need to determine whether that’s approaching, if I can realistically avoid it in this position, and what steps I can take to make my articling more feasible for me.

However, after seeing my principle’s plans for my progression forward, I am more convinced that a lot of the less invasive solutions are off the table. I appreciate them wanting me to have the most exposure and best possible experience, but do not feel I can meet those expectations. While I was successful(ish) in law school, that was made possible by a foundation of unconscious strategies I have developed throughout my life that do not apply in a law firm setting. I’ve tried to see if any other lawyers have my condition but it is relatively rare, the only commentary I’ve seen being not dissimilar to the advice here (which is good advice). This is a very long way of saying, in this moment, I feel that I need to step away from the process. That will be the aim of this weekend’s self assessment and conversation. 

Perhaps I will only step away from the articling aspect of the process and still continue with the certification, if that is at all possible. I need to determine for myself if it is better to step away before breaking down than it is to risk a break down that turns me away from this path forever. I do not intend to leave my principle high and dry, nor to depart without some income stream in place. I am limited in that I refuse to leave the city I’m in as I do not want to leave my partner (who has been very supportive as well). But I am not scrupulous about the work I do - obviously something that utilizes my degree and skill set is ideal but when push comes to shove, if I am nearing that breaking point, I’ll take whatever I can get. 

This has become more of a blog post than anything else - and I really appreciate the existence of this platform to vent my thoughts. Trying to speak out loud, it comes disjointed and scattered but typing it out allows me to properly express myself. If only everyone communicated by email. 

 

[Pantalaimon]

11 hours ago, Tictactoe said:

This has become more of a blog post than anything else - and I really appreciate the existence of this platform to vent my thoughts. Trying to speak out loud, it comes disjointed and scattered but typing it out allows me to properly express myself. If only everyone communicated by email. 

You never know who could read this in the future and draw inspiration or reassurance. So thank you for sharing.

[The Randolorian]

On 8/5/2021 at 10:44 PM, Tictactoe said:

To provide an update, today I spoke with my principle frankly (or at least, as frank as I could be at the time) about my concerns. Today was several hours of meetings and court observation, so by the time I got to talk to them, I was completely dulled. One of those meetings today was regarding my assuming more duties in addition to my own, which prompted me to initiate this conversation a lot earlier than I intended. 

I explained that I was concerned I would not be able to live up to my professional responsibility because I’m unable to meet the physical/cognitive demand of the job. Meetings and phone calls and observing were so draining it took everything I had just to cart myself home and lay down, and that it’d take the entirety of the weekend to feel any semblance of normal again. I explained as best I could that while the work is overwhelming, that is the nature of the work and it is this condition that I feel is really making everything else a problem. I told them that my daily planning involved determining when in the day was least damaging for me to be incapable of critical thought. I told them I’ve been trying out strategies and routines of my own, and that even today I tried an energy conservation technique someone on here was kind enough to send me. 

They were more than supportive and understanding. I’m not sure what the outcome of the conversation was, exactly. A part of my problem is memory, and while normally I have strategies to circumvent that (endless note taking), I could only focus on the conversation or taking notes, not both. They told me to advise them of any options going forward and that I should wait until I’m halfway through before deciding anything. I did not expressly say I was considering quitting but I don’t think it was too difficult to infer from the tone of the conversation. 

Sticking it out as long as I can is the practical option and best option. But recognizing that and being able to act on it are very different things. This weekend, I am going to do a very honest self-assessment with myself, and have conversation with a trusted (outside) associate. I know myself well enough to know I do have a breaking point, and what the warning signs are of that approaching. I need to determine whether that’s approaching, if I can realistically avoid it in this position, and what steps I can take to make my articling more feasible for me.

However, after seeing my principle’s plans for my progression forward, I am more convinced that a lot of the less invasive solutions are off the table. I appreciate them wanting me to have the most exposure and best possible experience, but do not feel I can meet those expectations. While I was successful(ish) in law school, that was made possible by a foundation of unconscious strategies I have developed throughout my life that do not apply in a law firm setting. I’ve tried to see if any other lawyers have my condition but it is relatively rare, the only commentary I’ve seen being not dissimilar to the advice here (which is good advice). This is a very long way of saying, in this moment, I feel that I need to step away from the process. That will be the aim of this weekend’s self assessment and conversation. 

Perhaps I will only step away from the articling aspect of the process and still continue with the certification, if that is at all possible. I need to determine for myself if it is better to step away before breaking down than it is to risk a break down that turns me away from this path forever. I do not intend to leave my principle high and dry, nor to depart without some income stream in place. I am limited in that I refuse to leave the city I’m in as I do not want to leave my partner (who has been very supportive as well). But I am not scrupulous about the work I do - obviously something that utilizes my degree and skill set is ideal but when push comes to shove, if I am nearing that breaking point, I’ll take whatever I can get. 

This has become more of a blog post than anything else - and I really appreciate the existence of this platform to vent my thoughts. Trying to speak out loud, it comes disjointed and scattered but typing it out allows me to properly express myself. If only everyone communicated by email. 

 

I'm also in the middle of articling and - although I'm not suggesting that our conditions are equivalent - I have problems sleeping and on and off periods of burnout. I also worry about having enough stamina to stay awake/alert at long meetings or at court. I don't know anyone else who has this type of worry, so your post really resonated with me. Would you mind sharing the energy conservation technique you mentioned with me? Thank you!

 

[Tictactoe]

On 8/14/2021 at 7:47 PM, The Randolorian said:

I'm also in the middle of articling and - although I'm not suggesting that our conditions are equivalent - I have problems sleeping and on and off periods of burnout. I also worry about having enough stamina to stay awake/alert at long meetings or at court. I don't know anyone else who has this type of worry, so your post really resonated with me. Would you mind sharing the energy conservation technique you mentioned with me? Thank you!

 

A kind soul here linked me to the Pomodoro Technique. I wish you the best of luck - we’re all going to make it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomodoro_Technique

I would also like to give an update to see what people’s thoughts are. I decided I had to give a resignation on the basis that my health was rapidly deteriorating and part time was likely going to be a foregone conclusion. My principle was very kind and understanding and “talked me down” twice from officially resigning. I trialed a week of working part time, between 5-6 hours 5 days a week. I found that to be close to my absolute limit. After trialing that I felt more like myself and was able to get myself to get up and move around over the weekend. 

We reached the point where it came time to discuss pay. I felt my pay was reasonable given the market, but knew I wasn’t meeting the time expectations of that salary. So it didn’t come as a huge surprise when the proposed weekly salary for my proposed hours was low. I’m having a hard time finding the balance between a feasible salary and an amount of hours that I can reasonably commit to. I’m hoping and optimistic to find a path forward but as it stands, I’d have to get another job to make it work - which defeats the purpose, in a sense. It is unfortunate that my condition precludes me from succeeding as a server or bartender - the supplemental income potential from tips would likely balance the difference (though that may be a bit optimistic). My principle also made it clear that they’d prefer I put off writing my barristers and solicitors until after my articling term, which gave me some pause. I am sure it is innocuous but it irked me.

It is at least comforting to know that I can handle part time - even if I still immediately have to rest afterwards to recover. 

[lawisnotlife]

Hi there, 

I am late to this thread and I am sorry for everything you are going through. However, I am experiencing the same issues but with my 2L summer placement where I will be articling. I have bipolar disorder along with neurodevelopmental conditions that are making me feel the exact same way, however I have yet to tell anyone at my firm but I think it's time I need too as I am depleting and don't want to perform poor quality work or not meet expectations without them understanding why. I already had to miss 3 days of work unexpectedly due to my health and it's affecting my work ultimately. 

I know you mentioned that you originally told your principal before, and I am wondering how you kind of went about that? I don't have a principal or a student committee and I just get work from all departments via email (mid size full service firm). I have an informal mentor kind of and there is HR, so I think I should address it to them but 1) STIGMAAA and 2) I have no solutions to offer them when I plan on discussing with them on how best to accommodate my chronic conditions. But I feel like if i don't I won't manage both at work and my health. I keep thinking my conditions aren't meant for law and i should quit altogether but im smart enough to know i got this far and that isn't the solution. I just don't see how a law firm can adequately accommodate given how I receive work and the nature of the work. I also don't want my disorders going around the firm because i know it's 2022 but ... stigma. Especially since my firm is not particularly mental wellbeing friendly.

Any suggestions on what you did OR literally ANY suggestions from anyone on here? Little desperate

[Hegdis]

Hey, welcome!

The best advice I can give you is this: your mental health is something you're going to have to deal with in terms of your career no matter which path forward you take. I completely understand the fear of stigma - it's a real thing, and it's unfair and it sucks. However, the solution cannot be to hide it and overwhelm yourself - injure yourself, really - because you want to live up to an impossible standard. There are resources out there to support law students and lawyers with mental health issues: look up your law society and go from there. You need support outside your firm. Seek it out.

This is just a simple fact: You need to figure out how to address your needs at work. I suggest approaching your informal mentor and HR and advising them that you need to have a sit down talk to figure out the best way to go forward so you can be a productive employee. Accommodations can be made, and should be made. You do not need to have all of the answers ready to go, but you do need to consider things that might help you. When you were a student, what strategies helped you learn and study and complete your work assignments? Ask for help with the same things in the workplace. You are the expert on you, and you need to advocate for you - or you are going to be the one who suffers.

Don't give up on law without a fight. It's really incredibly hard to stand up for yourself and tell people what you need - but this isn't going to go away and it won't get better unless you speak up and make changes. At the end of the day, you want to be a good lawyer, and the firm wants you to be a good lawyer. Give them a chance to work with you toward that goal. Don't let ignorant or unreasonable reactions wear you down - law is a big community, and even if the firm where you are isn't supportive, other places will be. What you need to do is look after yourself because I promise you that no one else will if you don't.

Good luck.