How do I stay positive?

[ZukoJD]

Hi everyone, 

I’m about a month in and I feel depressed. 
 

Everyday I get up and I just don’t look forward to the day. I spend all my time studying and I still feel behind on classes. For a couple of them I feel completely lost as to what’s important. I don’t think I’ve made a single real friend here. I’m constantly anxious because everyone else around me is studying like fiends so I feel like I have to be doing so as well. 
 

I miss my family, I miss my friends, and I especially miss my girlfriend. 
 

When does this get better? How can I deal with this? 
 

I came in here wanting to do everything I can to get good grades because I am aware how many doors that opens, and how that makes life easier down the road. But honestly I’m wondering if I should change my mindset to focus on just getting by. At this point I would be happy just graduating and making a decent wage. 
 

I probably sound like a big, ungrateful whiner, but oh well. I needed to let this out. 

[Thrive92]

10 minutes ago, ZukoJD said:

I miss my family, I miss my friends, and I especially miss my girlfriend. 

I would find the motivation to study harder so that I can transfer to a law school that is nearer to your family and friends.

Have you tried talking to a professional about your depression and anxiety? Even to your family doctor? There are antidepressant/anti anxiety medication that can be prescribed by your doctor. I'm not sure where you go to law school, but there's a decent chance that your law school health insurance also cover psychologist/therapist sessions -- take advantage of those as you have already paid for them.

13 minutes ago, ZukoJD said:

I probably sound like a big, ungrateful whiner, but oh well. I needed to let this out. 

Mental health is a very serious issue and should be treated as such; you are good, don't worry.

[Apple]

Hey @ZukoJD, 

First, you're definitely not a whinner or ungrateful. Your feelings are perfectly justified. Law school is tough, and not just because of the academics but also because how it can take over your life and thrust you into so much change all at once. I totally get your feelings because I had the same ones during my first semester. Here's some further practical advice for you: 

• I really suggest that you tell people about how you're feeling. Don't keep these things inside but make sure to continue to tell others how you feel, just as you've done here.
• I encourage you to find someone in your class that you know somewhat well and just ask them to grab a coffee. That can get you started on some of the social life you're missing out on. Initiating is hard, but just try your best to do this. If you study alone, consider going and studying in a library where others are. Just being around people really helped me and then gave rise to talking with my peers when they saw me frequently enough in the library. 
• Be intentional about setting personal time into your schedule. Literally studying all the time is not healthy and it is likely diminishing returns. You can study just as hard as an A+ student and still end up with a B. Likewise you can study just as much as a B student and still end up with an A. But, burning yourself out for the holy A+ is not worth it in my view. You will make it through law school and you will find a job as long as you're somewhat competent. Sure, access to some (and by some I mean very very select few) jobs will be limited if your grades aren't amazing but this a cost benefit you have to weigh. I get the sense you value balance and so I say pursue that, both in your career and in your education. So, today set some time aside and call that girlfriend of yours for a few hours. Call you family and tell them you love them. And do that without worrying about falling behind. Build this into your daily schedule. 
• Do the best you can while maintaining a balance. Your academics will be seriously impacted by everything else in your life. By this I mean, if you feel depressed and anxious because you're missing out on family life then this will adversely impacts your grades. Remind yourself that the health of your whole person is essential to your successful outcome academically.
• Reach out to services on campus and or your family doctor. Talk to someone in person about it or over the phone. You'd be amazing how therapeutic just talking to someone who knows you about your struggles feels. 
• Know that it does get better. 

I hope this helps, OP we're all here to support and encourage you. You aren't the first to have felt like this, and sadly you won't be the last. But, you will be uniquely positioned to counsel people through this in the future! 

Edited September 29, 2021 by Apple

[erin otoole]

Hi OP I am in my 3L year and had some of the same issues mid October of 1L . 

1 hour ago, ZukoJD said:

I miss my family, I miss my friends, and I especially miss my girlfriend.  

My girlfriend was 3500km away I missed her immensely it was terrible coming home and having no one to share the stress with and decompress. Make a schedule to speak and be sure to send cute "good morning" and "what's for lunch" text messages. It helped us feel some normality and shorted up the distances. LDRs suck so much man, but if she's a nice girl it will be worth it in the end, I am so happy my girlfriend and I are still together. 

1 hour ago, ZukoJD said:

When does this get better? How can I deal with this? 

It does get better, but you need to put in some effort. Down at Windsor we have a great mental health club that cares deeply about the issue, and has the ability to direct you to resources. I am not super into the whole mental health thing personally, I joined some clubs, met upper years and starting going to prof office hours. I became "good" at law school and helped build a community around me. Through Covid these people still help and it has greatly enhanced my experience down here. 

 

1 hour ago, ZukoJD said:

I probably sound like a big, ungrateful whiner, but oh well. I needed to let this out. 

You're not whiny man, you need to let things out once in a while, it helps with destressing. Screw those people that say suck it up, people have emotions and its ok that you have them.  I think it shows alot of personal character that you are reaching out looking for help in a safe manner. You got this OP I promise :).

 

Feel free to DM me for any reason whatsoever. 

Edited September 29, 2021 by erin otoole

[JanLevinson]

As posters above said, your feelings are justified and it's ok to vent a little sometimes.

As a 1L, I can understand where you're coming from especially if you're doing Zoom school. The feeling of "I don't know what the hell is going on" seems to be common amongst first years (based on chats I've had with classmates) so don't let it weigh you down. It's a learning curve for most if not all of us.

What helped me are office hours for classes that I find a bit challenging and asking questions in class whenever I think I'm lost or can't wrap my head around a concept. Don't be shy to ask the Prof to help you understand - that's what they are there for.

For the social aspect of things, are there virtual/in person events happening at your LS that you can attend? Are you living on or off campus? I find that living on campus helps a little to get to know other law students that might also be living away from home. Try to reach out to them and go for coffee, walks etc. Trust me, you'll be surprised to see how many others are in the same boat as you looking for social connections. 

Also, if you happen to be at Oz, DM me 🙂 

[Phaedrus]

1 hour ago, ZukoJD said:

Everyday I get up and I just don’t look forward to the day. I spend all my time studying and I still feel behind on classes. For a couple of them I feel completely lost as to what’s important. I don’t think I’ve made a single real friend here. I’m constantly anxious because everyone else around me is studying like fiends so I feel like I have to be doing so as well. 
 

I miss my family, I miss my friends, and I especially miss my girlfriend. 
 

When does this get better? How can I deal with this? 
 

I came in here wanting to do everything I can to get good grades because I am aware how many doors that opens, and how that makes life easier down the road. But honestly I’m wondering if I should change my mindset to focus on just getting by. At this point I would be happy just graduating and making a decent wage. 
 

I probably sound like a big, ungrateful whiner, but oh well. I needed to let this out. 

First semester can be, and often is, a huge shock for law students. Whatever your background and education, you're playing by new rules under new pressures and with a new cohort of peers that operate on a more competitive level. I can offer some points to consider: 

• Just because you see students in the library doesn't mean they're studying. Sure they're there from sun up to sun down, but that hardly means anything when they're scrolling through social media and chatting the whole time. Even if they are cramming and studying around the clock, that doesn't guarantee a translation to top grades. 
• I observed a lot of peers in 1L boast about their competence, act top-dog and flaunt how much they studied, only to become awfully quiet after December grades were released. On that note, first semester 1L is largely an orientation period where you learn how to read cases and study legal text. So, again, you're learning how to study effectively, and not simply "a lot". If it feels like you're drowning and can't figure it out, that's normal and is quite intentional. Most of us felt that way, but it tends to go away after winter break when you've had a breather.  
• Your mental and physical health need attention too. Having a good meal and getting even modest exercise can do wonders to improve mood and mental stamina. 

I'd also encourage you to reflect on how you've pushed through pressure and stress before (e.g., employment, undergrad). Consider what techniques you used, what strategies worked and for how long, and can those same techniques be used in your present circumstances? Why or why not? 

I'm happy to see our community offering support and to talk privately. Like the others above, please feel free to message me. 

Good luck!

[ZukoJD]

3 hours ago, Thrive92 said:

I would find the motivation to study harder so that I can transfer to a law school that is nearer to your family and friends.

Have you tried talking to a professional about your depression and anxiety? Even to your family doctor? There are antidepressant/anti anxiety medication that can be prescribed by your doctor. I'm not sure where you go to law school, but there's a decent chance that your law school health insurance also cover psychologist/therapist sessions -- take advantage of those as you have already paid for them.

Mental health is a very serious issue and should be treated as such; you are good, don't worry.

I’m booking an appointment with a counsel or today. I shouldn’t be feeling like this all of the time. 
 

I’ve thought about transferring. The schools nearest home are the Toronto schools. I was admitted to Ryerson so I don’t know if that would affect them allowing me back. I would have to do quite well for Osgoode and Toronto to even consider me I imagine. 

[Thrive92]

Just now, ZukoJD said:

I’m booking an appointment with a counsel or today. I shouldn’t be feeling like this all of the time. 
 

I’ve thought about transferring. The schools nearest home are the Toronto schools. I was admitted to Ryerson so I don’t know if that would affect them allowing me back. I would have to do quite well for Osgoode and Toronto to even consider me I imagine. 

I am glad you are taking active steps towards help. I would also highly recommend you go see your family doctor (or those online doctor services that you can access from the internet) and get prescriptions for anti anxiety/antidepressant medications. some of these medications serve both purposes, and they are most likely covered by your school insurance (they should cost no more than 20 dollars per monthly dose anyways).

A combination of counseling and medication are much more effective to combat depression and anxiety rather than to do one treatment method at a time.

Sadly, I don't know much about schools in Ontario to comment on the likelihood of transferring -- there may be a chance that you already have a leg up in being able to transfer to Ryerson as you were admitted there previously, but dont quote me on it. Your 1L grades are also likely a factor.

Good luck

[ZukoJD]

You all are giving excellent advice and I sincerely appreciate everyone who’s responded. 
 

Going to heed some of this advice and keep fighting. 

[Whist]

I don't know if your school is in-person, hybrid, or online, but Zoom school can magnify feeling lonely by a lot. If there's a social media page where classmates or the faculty post events, go to some of the events. Even if you don't make new friends there, just being out and about outside of the lecture and study bubble can help keep your mind off things. If there's a group chat you're in, invite a few people out for coffee. You'll likely get a few takers as other people are probably itching for a break too. COVID makes doing stuff like this really difficult so you're far from alone in feeling how you do. 

I won't beleaguer the point by restating things I've already said recently on a similar post, but I'm lucky in that I didn't have a partner to leave behind and I moving away from family was a good decision for my own mental health. That being said, I still have this weird feeling like I'm not home, but the place I came from isn't where I should be either. Even though I have a goal to achieve (law school), I feel kind of directionless. I miss my old friends. 

I'm hoping it gets better for all of us. Hang in there. You got in and you're capable of doing this. 

[bearrrhunter]

find that inner motivation to isolate all the noise at your current school and focus on getting a couple of As then transfer. 

And def talk to profs, keep asking them, questions, turn on your cameras or sit in front rows, work hard on your assignments or papers, give them reasons to support your transfer should you ask them for letters in the spring.

 

Edited September 29, 2021 by bearrrhunter

[GGrievous]

I haven’t made any friends either. But to be fair I’m an introvert and have a bad attitude towards anything social that is happening. I’m mostly fine with it because everyone in my cohort annoys me, but I do wish there were some cool people I could maybe get a beer with and joke around to let off some steam. Maybe next year. 

As for work.. it’s been tough to keep up, but I don’t think you’re alone there. And the upper years I’ve talked to have all told me that being behind in material is normal and nothing to freak out about. 
 

hang in there my dude

10 hours ago, Thrive92 said:

A combination of counseling and medication are much more effective to combat depression and anxiety rather than to do one treatment method at a time.

are you a clinical psychologist? 

[ZineZ]

 Hey OP, I can't say too much more than has already been said by a number of posters here. In general, law school is tough and it can take some time to adjust. Your feelings of anxiety about 1L are absolutely valid. I commend you for recognizing them so early and for seeking both help here and also from a counsellor.  Here's some things I'd like to quickly note:

• Ignore how other students in 1L are studying. You are all just getting started with law school and everyone learns at different paces and through different strategies. 1L has a horrible way of feeling like an isolated bubble where everyone feeds off of each other's anxieties. Take a step back, see what works for you and trust in yourself. Your strategies got you this far, you can trust in them for now and work to adapt as needed. On this front, I'd also like to tackle the following comment by you:
   
  • I spend all my time studying and I still feel behind on classes. For a couple of them I feel completely lost as to what’s important
    • This is normal and expected. Please don't let that get you down, trust me - most (if not all) students are in this situation right now. 
       
• Consider joining clubs at your school. This is often a great way to both make friends and also meet people who are willing to become mentors. I found that the people I had met through my extra-curricular activities were often the ones who were the most willing to hang out, review my documents and be generally social. This included clubs related to specific career paths and also ones that catered to certain sets of students (first generation students, persons of colour etc). 
  • On the mentor front, consider checking if your school has a peer mentor program or something else that is similar. They can be hugely helpful. 
     
• Consider making a post in your class's FB group or similar avenue asking if anyone is looking for a study group. If it works out, it can both be a social tool and also help get you through 1L.  As it's still early in the year, some students are likely in a similar situation to you and very well may appreciate your initiative in reaching out to set something like this up.
   
• I'm not sure what province you're in, but some have Members Assistance Programs that can pair you up with a practicing lawyer. That may be a good avenue if you'd like to talk to someone who has gone through law school and understands its unique challenges. 

And as a general note, please be patient with yourself. The adjustment to law school is no joke and it is tough for most people. Echoing more of what has been said above - take time for yourself. Watch some TV,  have calls with your SO, family and friends and be proud of yourself for getting this far. 

If you'd ever like to chat privately, just reach out. I have a fair amount of experience related to student support and would be happy to either chat or point you towards resources that may be helpful. 

 

12 hours ago, Thrive92 said:

A combination of counseling and medication are much more effective to combat depression and anxiety rather than to do one treatment method at a time.

This seems like advice that should be given by a mental health professional. OP has not been professionally diagnosed with anything and only started law school recently. A counsellor would be better able to judge whether OP needs to seek further assistance. 

[Yogurt Baron]

I was hesitant to weigh in at first, in that I never went to law school. But I have done a lot of other school (currently doing a PhD) and have made big cross-country and international life-changing moves. If anyone feels like, "Yeah, but you don't get it, law school is different," you're completely right and I'll happily defer.

My advice would be that this kind of rough patch is extremely common whenever you're entering a competitive new program in a new place without your usual supports, and almost everyone gets through it okay. Talking to a counselor is a great idea. That person may direct you to further resources or they may not. A doctor may think you need antidepressants or they may not. You may work toward transferring closer to home for next year. All of these things sometimes happen. But also, there may come a day for you when everything clicks and you're happy exactly where you are. That happens too, for quite a lot of people. The homesickness passes. The impostor syndrome gets better as you realize that others are struggling too. Maybe it will make sense for you to transfer, but it's also possible that this will be okay. It's too early to give up on that possibility.

Somebody tell me if law school is different, but in the post-BA programs I've been in, friendships don't really start to form until October-November. People's guards are up for that first month or two; you're the competition. No one's being vulnerable with each other or admitting flaws, so when you feel flaws in yourself, it's easy to feel like the dumbest person in the room.

[ZukoJD]

49 minutes ago, Yogurt Baron said:

I was hesitant to weigh in at first, in that I never went to law school. But I have done a lot of other school (currently doing a PhD) and have made big cross-country and international life-changing moves. If anyone feels like, "Yeah, but you don't get it, law school is different," you're completely right and I'll happily defer.

My advice would be that this kind of rough patch is extremely common whenever you're entering a competitive new program in a new place without your usual supports, and almost everyone gets through it okay. Talking to a counselor is a great idea. That person may direct you to further resources or they may not. A doctor may think you need antidepressants or they may not. You may work toward transferring closer to home for next year. All of these things sometimes happen. But also, there may come a day for you when everything clicks and you're happy exactly where you are. That happens too, for quite a lot of people. The homesickness passes. The impostor syndrome gets better as you realize that others are struggling too. Maybe it will make sense for you to transfer, but it's also possible that this will be okay. It's too early to give up on that possibility.

Somebody tell me if law school is different, but in the post-BA programs I've been in, friendships don't really start to form until October-November. People's guards are up for that first month or two; you're the competition. No one's being vulnerable with each other or admitting flaws, so when you feel flaws in yourself, it's easy to feel like the dumbest person in the room.

Your last point really hits because I definitely show when I’m upset or feeling stressed, and yes it doesn’t help when most others aren’t expressing those feelings. 

[Yogurt Baron]

21 minutes ago, ZukoJD said:

Your last point really hits because I definitely show when I’m upset or feeling stressed, and yes it doesn’t help when most others aren’t expressing those feelings. 

Oh, it's a safe bet that many, many people are feeling the way you are and just playing it cool. Oftentimes, nobody wants to be the first to show their hand. That piece has eventually eased up everywhere I've ever been, and I do hope law is the same.

[mistertubby]

On 9/29/2021 at 8:11 AM, ZukoJD said:

At this point I would be happy just graduating and making a decent wage. 

right in the feels 

[PulpFiction]

On 9/29/2021 at 8:11 AM, ZukoJD said:

-snip-

In my experience as a recent graduate, it's totally normal to feel behind in 1L. A lot of people put on this front as if they're so in tune with what's going on, when in reality, it's a small minority actually doing every reading as scheduled and understanding everything that's going on. There's plenty of people that spend every waking hour in the library, but if you look closely, a lot of those people are not being efficient. I think sitting in the library is a way to alleviate the guilt of not working hard enough, because for some reason the consensus is that law students must be grinding all day, everyday. Anytime I was spotted in the library, I got the same 'the world must be ending' reaction from all of my peers because of how little time I spent in there. Don't feel bad that you're not doing what others are, do your own thing. I was always behind on readings but did just fine when it came to exams. Go at your own pace, ask questions to professors and peers when needed - you'd be surprised how much professors and law students love to talk and show you how much they know. It's beneficial to both parties. 

I was far from all my closest friends and family for law school. I also left for undergrad at 17, so it wasn't totally new to me. The difference was this time I was a lot farther away, so it definitely hit me for the first few months. But then things got better. Then I found a group of people I got on with and all of a sudden I felt right at home, even though I was a several hours flight away. Join groups, get involved with clinics, other ECs, and I bet you'll find a couple of people you mesh with. I'm very outgoing so it wasn't hard talking to people, but I honestly did not care to have relationships with most people I met in law school - I just found a lot of them 'on' all the time and annoying as fuck. (stay civil with everyone, though)

If you're feeling depressed, then seek out some assistance. I can't speak to the appropriate avenues to take, but I think some posters have made suggestions regarding what you can do. I've had my own dark periods, where I isolated myself and let my life spiral, but I refused to get help because I was raised to believe mental health issues aren't real. It was a stupid approach that could have had severe consequences, but I got through it on my own. It was a long time ago, when mental health issues were a bit more taboo to discuss, and it wasn't during a stressful time, like law school.  I don't suggest you do what I did. Reach out and use the various resources at your disposal. 

Maybe you just don't like law school and you're forcing yourself to make it work. Maybe it is for you, but the social aspect, or the competition, make you feel inadequate. Either way, give it some time to really see what you want out of law school, address any issues you're having, and take it a day at a time. Things will be alright

[Hegdis]

 Am going to splice this. Give me a minute. 

[Thrive92]

13 hours ago, ZineZ said:

This seems like advice that should be given by a mental health professional. OP has not been professionally diagnosed with anything and only started law school recently. A counsellor would be better able to judge whether OP needs to seek further assistance. 

Hence is the reason why I told OP to seek not only a counselor but also a family doctor and describe his/her/their symptoms. The advice that you specifically pointed out as being premature is a relatively common knowledge and so it shouldn't necessarily be seen as a specific advice but instead something that OP should keep in mind, and a doctor would not prescribe such medications without being certain that the patient meets the diagnosis of depression/anxiety.

In other words, its an advice that cannot harm OP in any way imaginable. It is not an advice that is given only from mental health professionals.

15 hours ago, Barry said:

are you a clinical psychologist? 

No but I have been in a similar boat as OP before -- I also have a major in psychology, which really means nothing and is not even close to being a clinical psychologist in any sense of the word, but very early on into the major you learn that a two - pronged approach towards treating depression with medications and therapy is much more effective than doing one at a time.

The advice was also given to me by my family doctor as I was refilling my anti anxiety/antidepressant medications (keep in mind that this two - pronged approach is only applicable to depression and not anxiety; the medication that I take for depression is also an anti anxiety medication and that is why I stated this way) early on into the treatment.

In other words, despite the fact that I am not a clinical psychologist, I think I know what I am talking about in this subject (ONLY for depression) and you should also take in this knowledge as not necessarily a specific clinician's advice, but general advice.

Edit: Please note that I am not a medical professional nor am I giving medical advice -- the advice I am providing is of general knowledge and can be supported with a quick google search or by reading a psychology textbook that is widely available online or in a bookstore, and so it is not medical advice.

Edited September 30, 2021 by Thrive92

[TheCryptozoologist]

Are you a 1L? I don't honestly imagine returning to school feels normal yet, people got use to isolation and it really just destroyed a lot of habits and self-perception. 1L is a shock semester and its going to honestly be a roller coaster from here on out, but by 3L you just get use to it or jaded or whatever. 

Probably the most underlooked but important factor for general success of any kind is having the right social environment where you can become comfortable and explore. Its a universal thing in all animals, from lab rats to dogs to chimpanzees and humans that learning and forming new brain cells is much easier done when your environment isn't overtly stressful or overwhelming and probably the most important source of stress in our species is interpersonal social stress. 

I can't offer any advice other than some things are a matter of recognizing a problem, e.g. isolation, withdrawal and so-on in people, and finding creative ways to break the social mold that formed. People did online socials my year, and had all sorts of ways to stay positive that mitigated the worst of things. 

EDIT: Just read you went to uOttawa. The school can be incredibly socially isolating because there has historically poor effort by admin and others to foster any sort of community and it was a pretty big departure from the social environment of grad school and undergrad for me. Pre-COVID felt like a patchwork of cliques and after remote learning any sense of community simply disappeared. I had some friends that really suffered that year, and some student groups try to address these issues. 

A student community really only forms with common space and events and some personalities don't really do well with social discomfort. You had a consistent set of personalities, myself included, that really enjoyed meeting people and made friends across sections and classes but the slight majority are generally not comfortable putting themselves out there or with any kind of attention on them. The personality type of alot of my friends were that you had to poke them so they came out of their shell and felt comfortable with people. But you'd honestly be surprised that probably the majority of law students feel and are similar to you e.g. isolated and overwhelmed, and alot of them would just connect if they had a common chance to.

 

[CleanHands]

On 9/29/2021 at 7:53 PM, Barry said:

are you a clinical psychologist? 

 

[Avatar Aang]

Law school is a small blip in the long road ahead of you. What kind of job do you see yourself doing? I would get involved in extracurriculars and clinics to explore your interests. Ottawa has a ton of public sector opportunities that you can't even get at U of T and Osgoode, so I would dive into them if I were you. If you are interested in corporate and privacy law, there are also opportunities in these fields.  

It'll be ok mate. Just let the avatar spirit guide you. 

[ZukoJD]

9 hours ago, Avatar Aang said:

Law school is a small blip in the long road ahead of you. What kind of job do you see yourself doing? I would get involved in extracurriculars and clinics to explore your interests. Ottawa has a ton of public sector opportunities that you can't even get at U of T and Osgoode, so I would dive into them if I were you. If you are interested in corporate and privacy law, there are also opportunities in these fields.  

It'll be ok mate. Just let the avatar spirit guide you. 

This is too fitting. Thank you 😊 

[TheCryptozoologist]

@ZukoJD Just wondering if you heard of Elephant In The Room. I would also look up a guy named Doron Gold that you might have already heard from.

I follow his twittersphere, its genuinely one of the taboo breaking areas among lawyers because some topics and tweets deals precisely with mental health and collectively addressing it.

The former president of the OBA Orlanda da Silva got the ball rolling on this topic years back when he talked about his depression and mental health and emphasized it and its shifting the legal field's culture. Its a system populated by and built by perfectionists so you can see what kind of demands it creates on people and some friends and people I knew inevitably break down breaking themselves on the stress or on 8to8 jobs. But new efforts and postpandemic labor shortages is shifting culture in dramatic ways.

Edited October 6, 2021 by TheCryptozoologist