Quitting the Profession

[Lawyer9909]

I am wondering if anyone can give me advice that has gone through something similar.

I’m a first year call and I practice general litigation. I have a wife and young child. I spent my early 20’s dedicated to getting into and finishing law school. I didn’t have many friends, I worked a part time job, and just focused on myself.

Forward to today, I most days coming home from work I think about jumping infront of a bus or stopping my car on a bridge and jumping. Most days I have tears in my eyes because of the pressure. I am under immense pressure to perform the work correctly and quickly.

On top of this, I feel pressure from my clients. I worry that they will report me to the law society for replying to an email too late, not doing work in a timely manner, or not providing them with great service.

As I write this, I have tears in my eyes. I’m on antidepressants, I try to exercise and I do eat healthy and sleep. 
 

When I think about leaving, I feel that I’ll be ridiculed by my wife and family and friends. That I’ll have wasted my life doing this only to quit. I’m also the sole provider at home and need the money to pay off my loans, provide for my children, save up enough to eventually buy a home.

I don’t know what to do, I feel stuck.

if anyone is going through something similar, please let me know or if you have any advice please chime in.

[Aschenbach]

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through this. Have you sought therapy or counselling? I am a first year call too and sometimes the pressure is real, but you need to know at the end of the day, it's just a job. If your workplace is putting ridiculous amounts of pressure to the point that it negatively impacts your mental health, you should seek another firm/practice area. It sounds like your current firm (I assume you work at a firm) doesn't support you well. I went from articling at a large firm to being an associate at a boutique and it's been super great for my mental health.  Feel free to pm me if you need to chat or just vent.

[Jaggers]

The law Society’s lawyer assistance program will connect you to a therapist pretty quickly if you call them. I did that last year.

[The Rooster]

It's hard to feel stuck. None of us know exactly how you feel or precisely what you're going through. I don't have any advice other than to say a law degree is helpful and can lead to a number of law-adjacent and even unrelated jobs.

In terms of your relationships -- have you spoken to your wife/friends/family about how you feel? Perhaps how you think they'll react isn't the case.

[Diplock]

First off, it's incredibly good that you've chosen to open up here and start this discussion. That's very good. But equally important - and these are co-equal top priorities - talking to people online is still no substitute for proper professional help. Get help through the Law Society as suggested above, or get help privately. Talk with your doctor and ask for a referral. Get real professional help immediately. Otherwise, opening up a bit here may seem to take the pressure off a bit and make the intolerable more immediately tolerable. But that's a bandaid. You need proper, immediate help.

Everything that follows, and anything else that can be said, is really premature. Because any decisions you make while in crisis are suspect. That's true of any decision to stay, any decision to leave, and any decision in between. In fact, that only decision you can make right now that isn't potentially badly clouded by what you're going through is the decision to seek help. Do that first, and delay everything else until after you've obtained some perspective on the problem.

I was considering saying more about options within the profession vs. options outside of it. But that only contradicts my stronger point above. This isn't the time you engage in that discussion. This is the time to get help and ensure you aren't going to make any mistakes you can't undo. Please do that. You've got a lot of choices in life. You just aren't in a good position to see them, or to choose from among them, right now. Once you do get some help, you'll see everything a lot more clearly. Then this forum will still be here to talk about options going forward.

Take care.

[Yogurt Baron]

Hi!

I'm not a lawyer, but I'm a paraprofessional who supports lawyers, and my job does sometimes include connecting lawyers with mental health services. So, quick:

1. Everything you're going through is very common. Way too common. All of it. You're not alone.

2. If you're in an actively-thinking-of-suicide space, seek help. Be that your provincial law society, be that an EAP if you have access to one, be it a medical doctor (whoever you get your antidepressants from) or a private-practice therapist. Find someone you can talk to. Tell them how you're feeling. 

3. If you feel like you might act on these suicidal feelings, that's time to go to an ER or call 911.

All of your problems are real and serious, and I understand why they have you feeling as badly as you do right now. But they're all also manageable, solvable, survivable. Find a professional to talk to, and once you're in a better headspace, there are tons of people (here and in real life) eager and able to help you with some of the issues here.

[epeeist]

1. What everyone else said get professional help, not online opinions;

2. Better (for you, family, firm, clients) if it comes to it, to leave your job or the practice of law entirely, under your control rather than to be forced into it.

[Kimura]

Are you in Ontario, and if so, were you prescribed antidepressants through your family doctor? If so, ask your family doctor if they can connect you with a therapist covered by OHIP. I have a friend who was prescribed anti depressants paired with therapy, specifically covered by OHIP. I bring this up because therapy can get expensive. 

As others mentioned, the Lawyer Assistance Program will connect you with a counsellor who can help you get through your immediate struggles, and it is free of charge. 

All the best and just know you're not alone in this. 

[Jaggers]

When I had a bit of a crisis last year, I called the LSO line at 10 a.m. and they had an appointment for me at 1 p.m. They can act really fast if you need help immediately. Beyond that, there are other options as noted. But your primary consideration has to be getting to that help. 

[Hegdis]

Hey OP - I am so glad you posted. How you are feeling isn’t normal or ok, and this is not a matter of “toughing it out”. How you are feeling does not reflect on your capabilities or dedication. You are in crisis. You deserve help. 

You really aren’t alone although it feels that way. There’s excellent advice in this thread - please follow it. Get some help. 

And know that we, although faceless and geographically scattered, understand the pressures and demands of the work in a way that your family and friends might not - and every single one of us supports you and validates you and knows that this is a very real, very frightening thing that is happening to you. Some of us have been there before.
 

Get some help - it’s help, and you need it, and it will help you. Lots of lawyers get help from time to time. I have too. 
 

Please take care of yourself. YOU are the priority right now. 

[Mal]

The immediate advice has been well covered in this thread. I would simply add that there are other things you can do with a law background that offer better balance. Personally, I couldn't function under the pressures of an elite firm and went to do policy work for the government. I am doing a lot better because of it. 

Not everyone has the same skills and abilities. Try to find a better fit if you need to. 

[Diplock]

4 hours ago, Mal said:

The immediate advice has been well covered in this thread. I would simply add that there are other things you can do with a law background that offer better balance. Personally, I couldn't function under the pressures of an elite firm and went to do policy work for the government. I am doing a lot better because of it. 

Not everyone has the same skills and abilities. Try to find a better fit if you need to. 

I absolutely agree that's likely where the OP will end up at after dealing with his immediate crisis. I just don't want to skip there because (a) almost no decision to make a major change, no matter how obvious, can be trusted while in crisis, and (b) I don't want an apparent solution to the problem immediately at hand to seem like a solution to the more serious issue. But absolutely, OP is due soon for a serious discussion about less intense ways to stay in the legal profession and also options to leave it. Just not yet.

[Law123456789]

@Lawyer9909 Please don't feel like you're all alone. So many people in this profession feel the exact same way you do. Talk with your partner, please. This is the time that your feeling the lowest in your life and it is your wife's responsibility to be there for you and work things out. Even if it means quitting law and taking a break for your mental health